I’m not part of the camp where I think we need to over protect kids; in fact, I think modern kids need to toughen the hell up before other countries figure out that we’ve raised a couple of generations of pussies and just invade our ass one day.  But, what is with the voodoo shit going on in these spots for Capri Sun?

For starters, how is just trading for water balloons a form of disrespect so harsh that you become a balloon?  How is any of this shit worthy of the horror movie quality punishments these kids are getting?  If I were a kid, I would be fucking terrified to drink Capri Sun from now on for fear of angering the gods of pouch based fruit drinks.  Speaking of terrified, how is it the other kids in the balloon and turtle spots aren’t freaking right the fuck out when they see this transformation?  Are kids this desensitized to these kind of mind fucks these days?

Always frickin’ hated those pouches anyway.  When we were kids, after getting frustrated with the lame ass little straws, my kid sister and I would cut the fuckers open and pour the juice into a big girl/boy glass, then question the pouch’s manhood to its face and yet, here we stand…

Also, “Respect the Pouch?”  Last time I had a guy screaming that at me, I stayed in town too late in West Hollywood on Halloween and got caught between two waring tribes of guys dressed as Chippendales dancers and the cast of 300.

J.