I know, I’m supposed to think this new ad from McDonalds is supposed to be cute, but I’m a sick bastard at heart:

Does the longer version of this ad have her trying to get his phone number, too?  “Honey, mommy is working her way through the skaters next, so I need a wing man…”

While I’ve got you here, I need to say something about McDonalds and the Olympic games.  What the fuck?  Every couple of years, Micky D’s sponsors the Olympic athletes and every couple of years I see the amazing new heights of athleticism these kids get and go, “ain’t no god damned way they are eating McDonalds, at all, ever.”

Over the holidays, I took a break from my diet and exercise regime and gave into the siren’s call of the Big Mac and Egg McMuffin and I feel like a moose.  I’m pretty sure if some speed skater even inhaled a whiff of a Big Mac, her system would shut down. These are our are top athletes and McDonald’s wants us to believe that the gymnasts don’t just hork that hamburger back up right after the shoot is done?

I saw a kid at Disneyland yesterday that was maybe 5-6 years old and looked like Augustus Gloop with pigtails.  THAT’S what feeding a child McDonald’s looks like, not whoever is this kid in the ad.  As they were walking away, the mom actually bought her cotton candy and I thought to myself, “these are the people that usually sue McDonald’s because they are morbidly obese after 20 years of daily Quarter Pounder with Cheese intake.”

Who the hell does the Olympic committee turn down?

SECRETARY: “Sir, I have Jim Beam on the phone to talk about advertising?”

OLYMPIC AD MAN: “Tell them to fuck off, but let me know if Jack Daniels calls, that’s where the big money is!”

J.