Let me break your heart with something: Google doesn’t care what you do.  Google isn’t interested in anything about you.  Google doesn’t actually know who you are.  At all.

So, when you see video’s like this from Microsoft, remember that it was made by one of Google’s competitors who trying to spook you out of using a Google product and use theirs instead.

I know, “but wait, they have to read my mail so they can serve me ads!” Yeah, they’re not actually reading your mail. The GMail Man isn’t real and there aren’t real people sitting around the Google offices in Mountain View sifting through your messages. They don’t have time and they simply don’t care.

A computer does it for them; in fact, a lot of computers do it for them. Then that computer, which is a machine and doesn’t give a lick about burning sensations or what you did with your significant other the night before, uses a bunch of fancy math to look at the words in the email to figure out an ad to serve you. Three are people in the internet marketing business that actually don’t understand this, so don’t feel bad if it’s news to you.

Why do they serve you ads? Well, because you’re getting a service for free. This is the same business model that radio and TV have been using for most of their existence. Now Google is doing it, quite well, actually. They make billions of dollars doing it really well, just like radio and TV made a ton of money from you using their product.  So no, the ads aren’t unsolicited… you actually signed up for them by using the product.

Why does everybody have this paranoia that any company that is over a few dozen people is out to get them? These companies don’t care about you… they’re here to make money and you’re here to use their products. Get over yourself, you’re not that interesting. Don’t give me this “privacy” crap… you’re willing to give up your precious privacy for a dollar off a bag of chips at the supermarket, so give me a break about your email.

You know who is reading your email? The head of IT at your office… he’s got the time and actually does know who you are and is doing dirty, dirty things with that picture you just sent to your friend in accounting.

— JF