Take it from a guy who used to weigh over 250 pounds without nearly the frame to support it, gum is not dessert! Gum is not a plate of strawberry shortcake, it’s not a hot fudge sunday and it sure ain’t a delicious chocolate chip cookie. So please stop trying to tell me it is…
While I’m at it, neither is a diet soda. No one has ever confused Diet Dr. Pepper with a brownie, a dilly bar or an applie pie.
Finally, yougurt is not dessert either. It’s closer than gum or diet soda, but it’s not cheesecake, or a glazed donut, it’s not even a cup of Jell-O pudding though I guess it’s close.
So please, advertisers everywhere, stop trying to tell me that a stick of gum, a can of diet soda or a cup of yogurt is as good as the milkshake I’m going to go drink to drown my dieting sorrows.
I remember when Whoopi Goldberg was actually funny. There was her very first breakout routine “”Direct from Broadway,” which debuted in 1985. Then in 1989 came “Fontaine… Why am I Straight?” Even 20 years later in 2005 her special “Back to Broadway” still had very strong moments.
Agree with her politics or not you have to admit it’s some pretty good social satire.
That’s not to say she hasn’t made some mistakes in her career. What possibly led to her being cast as a recurring guest on “Star Trek: The Next Generation” is beyond me and her movie career has often been less than stellar: Jumpin Jack Flash? Fatal Beauty?
But she’s had a long successful career and can’t be possibly be hurting for money. Or can she?
Holy shit. Right there in my Sunday paper. Whoopi, dressed as the Statue of Libery, pushing Poise pads which are apparently “specifically” designed to help with light bladder leakage, or LBL to those in the know.
Awww cmon! Really?
Light bladder leakage?
Doesn’t anyone just age gracefully anymore? Worse yet, if you visit YouTube it’s easy to find a series of videos with Whoopi portraying famous women through history all of whom had to deal with LBL.
Including our country’s shining beacon of hope:
Look, I know lady liberty isn’t young anymore but I certainly never considered the idea that the old girl might need Poise liners to help with her light bladder leakage. As if you needed another reason not to drink water from New York harbor.
The fine people over at Nerve have put together this short film entitled, “Do You Douche?“, which fantastically compiles the history of those always awkward commercials about New Jersey’s favorite insult.
I know women had it tough back then because, well, they thought they had to use this shit, but it wasn’t easy for guys either. When you’re young and don’t know what the hell they were talking about, you just feel left out of something. Then, when you’re older, you just wish you could go back to not knowing what the hell they were talking about. At least that’s how I used to feel; now, after working for Kimberly-Clark, the fine makers of Kotex, for a couple of years and having to sit through meetings about pads and leaks and all sorts of nasty stuff, I’m pretty much numb to it all.
One of my keen memories for these commercials were that they always seemed to show up in the oddest programs. I remember always being mystified when when one of these or some other feminine product would come on during Star Trek or some other program that was really dude demographic heavy (yes, I know women watched Star Trek, especially TNG, but you have to admit, you were in the minority when it first came out). Here you are, waiting to come back from a Picard cliff hanger and all of the sudden, you’ve got chicks talking about heavy flow times. Uglk.
Pepsi Max spent $3 million on this Super Bowl ad that prominently features spousal abuse and assault:
The poor man in this spot is kicked and has his head slammed into a table as well as having soap shoved in his mouth which devotees of “A Christmas Story” know full well can very easily lead to “soap poisoning” and result in blindness.
Then, in a jealous rage, the woman who’s been abusing this poor man throughout the commercial throws a can of soda at his head. He ducks the vicious attack and an innocent bystander is hit in the head with the heavy projectile.
Surely you would expect Pepsi to encourage Americans to do the right thing and help the woman. But no, off they sneak, the abuser and her co-dependent husband who can’t leave the cycle of domestic abuse.
I am seriously considering suing Dennys and their agency for their latest series of ads that imply I’m too stupid to count to ten.
I realize this is advertising, a field most people get into because its one of the few business-oriented degrees that requires no math courses in college. But c’mon! Even a bunch of dumb advertising people can count to ten.
And god knows if advertising people an count to ten it’s safe to say that most Americans, who are better at math then the average ad geek, can also count to ten.
Just go back to the Grand Slam breakfast. The original. The one that comes with two sausage links and two bacon strips. Or four bacon strips. Or four sausage links. Or three bacon strips and one sausage link….
I have lots of friends on both the traditional and interactive sides of the advertising business, but I have to tell you, the traditional folks are the most fun to fuck with about branding.
You see, my theories about traditional advertising are that the ads themselves have a real purpose in the world – to solve specific goals for the brands and products that they are advertising. Goals such as increasing brand awareness, increasing product sales, and so forth are commonly used and are even made more specific by adding on certain audiences, like males 18-34 or whatever. Now, if you can pull off getting that done and make a really great, groundbreaking or funny or heartwarming or whatever ad in the process, all the power to you. However, you don’t get to just do the last part and skip the first part.
Folks that work at traditional ad agencies these days tend to forget that first part. They churn out ad after ad that features all sorts of gimmicks… over the top humor, timely cultural references, beautiful design, great music, and so forth. All of which will win them the big prizes at Cannes, but don’t tend to move a lot of product without actually imparting the message of the brand.
The ads of Super Bowl XLV were no different – lots of well produced ads that were funny, clever, visually stunning, and so on, but only a few that will actually cause any sort of brand or product recall. In my book, that makes them a failure.
Traditional ad folks hate it when I do that.
I can understand why. I may be an interactive marketer, but I’m still a marketer. Let me tell you, despite what you see in the movies and on TV about this business… it’s a real pain in the ass. Both sides of the equation, both the clients and the agencies can suck ass because they just don’t get it, don’t want to get it, or can’t afford it. Then on top of it, you end up putting a crap load of work into something to make it really creative and effective, only to have it shot down for a whole host of bizarre reasons like, “my wife doesn’t like it” even though their wife isn’t the target market, or “we have to use this star because we have him under contract” when that guy says nothing about your audience or “let’s do something with NASCAR” because the President of the company wants good seats to the race, despite the fact that NASCAR has nothing in coming with your brand.
I get it… I really, really do. However, that doesn’t get you off from doing your damned jobs.
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This morning, both Advertising Age (and Adfreak) and USA Today put out their articles on the best ads of the Super Bowl. I could have seen the Advertising Age picks from a mile away and was pleasantly surprised by the results of the USA Today. That is, until I saw that USA Today actually polled real people rather than asking for the opinion of folks from the advertising business.
Advertising Age (and Adfreak, who is owned by them) thought that these next two were some of the best ads of the game and will pretty much tell you to go get fucked if you think otherwise.
First off, “The Force” from Volkswagen:
So, I get it… it’s damn cute to see the kid run around trying to use The Force on everything in his house. However, if you think it about it… honestly think about it… up until the time the car shows up, that ad could be for anything. Seriously, it could be for Star Wars costumes, the release of the Star Wars movies on Blu-Rey, sandwich bread, whatever. Then the car shows up, but even then, you’re not completely sure.
In fact, I did an informal poll on my Facebook this morning and, if they could recall what it was for at all (which a lot did because this ad was leaked before the game and went viral), they couldn’t remember which Volkswagen car it was actually for in the first place. Believe it or not, most of them actually said it was for the Jetta, and not the Passat, which was the correct answer.
So cute, funny, well produced, but fail because of lack of recall of the product.
Next, “Imported From Detroit” from Chrysler:
Now this was a gorgeous ad… seriously, I really loved this ad and wanted to not give it shit, but on second watch, I could see it already had problems. Clocking in at 2 minutes long, it’s the longest Super Bowl ever, which means it cost a lot of money to produce and show at the big game.
Yet, with all that thought and energy, most people in my poll thought this ad was for Detroit itself or Chevy. In fact, this ad was for the Chrysler 200, which is a brand new model for this company. MTV thought this was the best ad of the game as well, but that was probably because it had Eminem at the end of it and was kind of bad ass. Meanwhile, most people I asked remember the Lipton Brisk ad that Eminem also did for this game and frankly, I would agree.
Meanwhile, the fine folks that served on the panel that became USA Today’s picks thought the following two were the best (with “The Force” coming in third, btw):
First, “Pug Attack” from Doritos:
Me and the crowd of people at my house laughed our ass off when we saw this ad. Meanwhile, I actually saw one of the readers of Ad Age say they didn’t like this ad because they thought it endorsed cruelty to animals. You see what kind of shit I have to deal with here?
Over at Ad Age, they would probably say that it was a cheap joke or unoriginal or whatever, but the real reason they hate this ad? It was because it wasn’t produced by an ad agency. This, like last year, was one of three ads that Doritos chose from a contest. Frankly, if I were a creative guy, I would feel pretty shitty, too.
Second, “Dog Sitter” from Budweiser/Bud Light:
Let’s get it right out in the open… Budweiser makes some damn funny ads. I don’t care who you are, if you’re not laughing at the Buds ads, you’re just acting like a stuck up prick who is holding back because you stopped drinking Bud after college. Look, I upgraded to better beer too, but I know funny and just about any ad these guys put out is both funny and memorable.
Back to Volkswagen… Now Volkswagen is known for being really good at branding themselves. Hell, they did way better in another spot for the new Beetle that showed up in the same game:
About two seconds into this commercial, I asked my crowd at the house who this ad was for (because, like a lot of ads, they were waiting to reveal it until the end) and almost all of them said “VW Beetle” because of the black beetle that was running around in the ad. Now that’s some damn brand recall… and nobody said a word in the entire ad.
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There are plenty of other spots that did or didn’t follow the rules, and maybe I’ll get to those when I have some time later (I do have to work for a living). Everybody seems to be going nuts about the Justin Bieber/Ozzy Osborne ad, which I have to say is pretty funny and does a pretty good job at getting the point across, but my dislike for the Beeb taints my view of this one.
By the way, my favorite from the game… Budweiser’s “Wild West,” which did a great job at branding and caught me completely off guard when they broke into Tiny Dancer:
The person who storyboarded this new spot from Audi must have been listening to Alice Cooper’s “Welcome to My Nightmare.” This spot is just creepy.
It starts wit an entire pig untouched on banquet table. That’s fairly tame but were just getting started.
Next up is the yawning fox fur coat. Frankly I’m glad it’s tired. Otherwise I’d be afraid it was about to eat my face. Right next to him is a lamp with a fox hunter on it. I assume he either killed the fox or is chasing it. Regardless I imagine that creates a natural tension that I’d just as soon avoid thank you.
Logically we finish out with a poodle with it’s own room and a guy who obsessively collects cuff-links then throws them away carelessly after which they get added to the mouse’s art-deco pad.
Well thanks a lot Audi. Are you going to send someone to rock me to sleep tonight you bastards?
Can you tell which of these cars is a Hyundai Elantra?
It’s ok. Be honest. If I hadn’t put the pictures together I sure wouldn’t be able to.
But the marketers at Hyundai think you can. They are so confident their car stands out from all the other small cars on the market that they are willing to be over $1 million on it. This little bit of genius ran during the Super Bowl:
Look back at the cars at the top of the post. Now can you tell which one is the Hyundai? You just saw it. Can’t you tell which one it is?
Frankly though, the best part of the spot is the five year old cars all the sheep are driving. Just for comparison, here’s what a Hyundai Elantra looked like in 2006.
Look familiar? It could have come right out of the fucking commercial. I wonder if any of the cars in the spot are old Hyundai products. Now that would be funny.
Hey Hyundai listen up! If you want to call me a sheep that’s fine but don’t insult the intelligence of sheep everywhere by saying your lame little car clearly stands out from the rest of them. That’s just a baaaad idea.
Get it — baaaad — like a sheep.
By the way, for anyone who’s curious, the cars at the top are:
Top: Ford Focus
Middle (l-to-r): Mazda 3, Hyundai Elantra
Bottom (l-to-r): Honda Civic, Toyota Carolla, Chevy Cruze
One of the many marketing strategies you can take when you’re not the first in a particular marketplace is to pick a fight with the top dog. I don’t know if Motorola isn’t the top dog in phones anymore and I don’t have the time to look it up, but for some reason they are putting out this ad during the Super Bowl this weekend.
A few notes for Motorola… not that they’re listening, but whatever…
If you’re going to pick a fight by calling a technology company behind the times, maybe spend a few bucks on the ad that’s delivering that message. This ad looks like it was put together by the interns for a meeting to kick off how to beat Apple, not like something you’re going to show AT THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL.
Nobody but other ad people are going to get the 1984 joke, at least not in the way you hope they will. The “1984″ here refers to the legendary Apple commercial that was shown once during the Super Bowl that year and has been discussed in the halls of advertising ever since. Regular consumers probably don’t recall that ad at all, unless they are Apple freaks, so all they will think of is the years… which is fine if it were actually that funny.
I’ve bitched over and over again about putting the wrong details in your ad and this one is loaded with them. Unless they’re particularly nerdcore, people don’t give a shit about the processor or screen or whatever of their FUCKING PHONE… they want to know if it makes calls when they need it to and it would be nice if they could post pictures of their cat on Facebook or occasionally play a round of Angry Birds while they are taking a dump.
Now that I think about it, it’s pretty obvious that Moto did this to remind its shareholders that it still has a pair. The problem is, they clearly don’t have any balls or it would have put this sucker out when Steve Jobs was still around.
I swear, Motorola’s next phone could crap donuts and I still wouldn’t think they’ve produced anything of interest since the Razor.
I think this new Dentyne campaign is a danger to the public. While borne out of good intentions the message in this spot could easily result in someone winding up in the hospital after being beaten to within an inch of their life:
If you walked around essentially telling everyone you work, carpool or hang out with that they had bad breath, sooner or later someone would beat you. It’s just fucking rude. This guy is carrying Dentyne Pure in a holster like he’s a cowboy always ready for a bad breath shoot out. Who does that?
Then there’s the rest of the campaign, a lame social media program called “The Bad Breath Alliance,” which is using Marlon Wayans as a spokesperson.
It’s amazing how many marketers remain absolutely clueless about how to use social media like Facebook. Someone really thinks people are going to rush to their computer and sign up and become part of The Safe Breath Alliance. I for one can’t imagine anything I’d be more proud to display on my Facebook page than that, except for maybe being a member of the Led Zeppelin fan club or the anal warts support network.
Can we start the Stop Stupid Advertising alliance? Please.
