I worked for Napster for about three years and was systemically programmed to hate Apple and everything it creates because we regularly got our asses handed to us by iTunes.  Then, when I left the company, as soon as I needed a new phone, I picked up an iPhone.

I’ve said it before, I don’t hate Apple, I just hate the mindless drones it creates… mostly out of jealousy because I want that same power for myself.

J.

Related posts:

1. What is iPad? Seriously, who’s asking?
2. Australia KFC ad not racist, just goofy. Get the hell over it.
3. What Droid does seems a little petty to me, guys

Anyway, I hate myself for that damn headline, because, well, the ad below from Bing is about vampires… shit.  That’s just high school journalism style headlines right there…

According to the post on YouTube, this ad started appearing in October (AdFreak posted it as well about the same time), but somehow I have yet to see it on TV until last night while I was watching TV in my room in Vegas after losing all my seed money at the roulette tables at the Hard Rock (Note: I’m here to speak at Digital Hollylwood at CES, so if you’re in Vegas for the show, swing by and say hello… fuck, now I’m rhyming, shit just never stops.).  Not only did I see it, I saw it twice in the same night on two different channels, so it looks like they felt this ad needed to see the light of day… CRAP! No more damn vampire shit…

Anyway, the ad was part of a series of ads that featured different monsters or spooky shit, probably for Halloween given the original release date (HA! Reporting!), but all I’ve seen is this vampire one… twice.

So, I’m in the business of advertising and I write this blog, so I’m going to bother to look that stuff up, however, most people won’t.  In fact, that’s my problem… the timing.  You see, if the ad just showed up around Halloween and was part of a series of monster related ads, then I don’t think I would have cared.  But, since the ad is showing up now, in January, it just looks like Microsoft and Bing are jumping on the whole, stupid vampire bandwagon.

Advertisers, I know Vampires are big right now… teenage girls and middle aged women are all over the Twilight books (How Twilight Works – The Oatmeal) and there are a bunch of TV series with Vampires in them… I get it, really, it’s easy.  But seriously, you need to say to yourself, “fuck easy” if you really want to come up with some quality work.

I mean, the ad itself is OK work, but the idea of it even existing is just stupid.  Microsoft, Bing, I dig you guys, I really do… I’m not a Microsoft hater, even though some bitch at the check-in for your party wouldn’t let me in the door even though I was a speaker and my day job is totally a partner of yours… it’s not that at all.  I’m doing this because I love you and I want you to put out so many good ads that I don’t have to see so many damn Apple ads all the time.

So, the next time you’re in the storyboard phase of a new ad, ask yourself… is the Vampire thing effed out?  And the answer will always be, yes, yes the Vampire thing is definitely effed out…

J.

Related posts:

1. Radio Shack is putting out some really fun ads, but they probably still suck to work for
2. AT&T finally grows a pair, goes after Verizon

My hatred of the “Get a Mac” campaign is widely known among friends and family, but you people are just readers, so you get to hear the rant from the beginning.

The friggin’ “Get a Mac” TV spots drive me crazy. Without fail, every single one of these ads that have come out have pissed me off to a level that I can never imagine I would ever get from a commercial. I mean, these things aren’t committing war crimes or destroying the environment, they’re friggin’ ads.  But man I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns.

And now AdweekMedia, as part of their “Best of the 2000s” series, has named these little abominations “Campaign of the Decade” (link)

Here’s what Barbara Lippert at Adweek had to say about the ads:

Apple always diverged from the “speeds and feeds” ads associated with the computer category, but the brand really defined itself with the 2006 launch of TBWA\Media Arts Lab’s “Get a Mac” campaign. That series of 60-plus ads brought some humanity into the equation by turning the machines into live-action cartoons. In so doing, the comic spots offer transparent understanding of the aspirations of its audience and how people identify—and connect emotionally—with technology. The genius is in the casting. The Mac guy, Justin Long, is a younger version of Steve Jobs who is casual and comfortable in his skin. PC, personified by John Hodgman, as a rounder, paler Bill Gates, is a well-meaning geek with all kinds of operating problems. For Apple, the campaign managed the neat trick of making the brand look laid back and cool while it mercilessly skewered its rival.

PC, singing the blues.

So, here’s my problem with these spots: they almost always have a flat out lie included in the copy. That said, the genius of these ads isn’t the casting, it’s the fact that they’ve been able to lie to the American public for about three years while everybody thinks these fucking ads are adorable.

My hatred for these ads was born when, early on, they started casting the stone that Macs don’t get viruses. It’s just a lie.  Apples have in fact gotten viruses over the years, but where they get around this is that it doesn’t happen very often because they have such a small market share of the home computer market. Basically, why would a virus writer bother with a Mac when the PC market was so much larger. So Mac gets to say they are really good at blocking viruses, when in fact, their virus checker just isn’t that busy.

Then, you started seeing them say things like, Macs don’t crash, PCs  have a bunch of junk software on them… the list went on and on.  All of them just lying their little asses off all the way.  Because you know what? Apples do crash, a lot even; and they get viruses, and they come with their own crap software included.  You know why? Because despite their cute little packaging, Macs are still a GOD DAMN COMPUTER!

The new set that came out about the same time that Windows 7 hit the market had these fake little scenarios where there was a mass exodus of the Windows OS to Mac, because, “if we are forced to upgrade, we might as well really upgrade.” The problem was, there wasn’t a mass exodus. People who had Windows before just upgraded to 7 and that was it. I’m sure Windows lost a few, but whatever. I’m sure if you look at the Mac/PC market share, there wasn’t a dynamic shift. They even tried to make a case that the Windows 7 upgrade was more expensive than the recent Mac upgrade, but even my friends with a Mac said that was a goofy comparison because the most recent Mac OS upgrade was a “dot upgrade” versus Window’s major upgrade.

It’s just low class, back alley bullshit and it pisses me off that it works so damn well.

I’m actually not an Apple hater, in fact, I own an iPhone and my WiFi network at my house is on an Apple router. I learned design in college on a Mac and know a bunch of people that own them and swear by them.  In my opinion, Mac actually makes a decent little machine. The problem I run into is that these ads and a segment of their rabid fan base thinks these things are the second coming.

It’s a plastic box full of wires, calm the fuck down.

Here’s my real big problem: I can’t deny the fact that these ads are really damn good.  It’s undeniable how well they are put together. The no nonsense background, the lovable characters, and the perfect way they make the PC guy look like an idiot at his own hands while the Mac guy is just a straight man who usually only asks the PC guy, “what’s up, PC?”.  Hell, they let the PC do so much talking, for awhile there my mom actually thought they were a joint commercial between the two companies.

Brilliant.  So fine, take your little award from Adweek. The agency deserves it for delivering a three-year long snow job to the American people.  Bravo.

But know this, as much as Adweek and a lot of other pubs will come along and suck you off for your creative work, you have to really ask yourself, did the ads do what they were supposed to do?  Everybody loved that Joe Isuzu guy, too, but he actually didn’t move cars. According to one source, “Mac OS X’s share of the OS market increased from 7.31% in Dec 2007 to 9.63% in Dec 2008.” That’s about a 32% increase, but it’s still less than 10% of a really big damn marketplace. They spent millions of dollars over the past couple of years, you would think it would have been a bigger dent for all the attitude they sling around.

Just sayin’, happy for your success, but don’t be a dick about it.

J.

Related posts:

1. Well, when you say it like that, Adweek, it just sounds catty…
2. New Diesel campaign is stupid (but not as stupid as the folks @adfreak)
3. What Droid does seems a little petty to me, guys