Chase – Southwest Card – Diner

Sure, the whole “Crazy Person Walks into a Restaurant” thing works on occasion, but not this time.  Maybe, like so many well-worn ad jokes, I’m just tired of this bit.  At this point, I just get pissed at the whole conversation and want the waitress to grab the shotgun behind the counter and open up on the guy then yell, “Harry, we got another kook that thinks he’s in a travel agency!”

I’m friends with a couple of bartenders (hey, it happens) and I know that when someone comes in selling crazy, the guy behind the bar just gets the drink and shines the fucker on.  There’s no conversation, no clarification, nada.  “Here you go, sir.  Try not to bother the other customers.”

Plus the damned thing just doesn’t end well.  “And I will take that Boston Cream Pie!”  I bet you will… if you hadn’t of just had that completely unnatural conversation about your credit card, I would have expected you to pay for it in money you drew yourself with a crayon.

Look, I know you don’t want to be boring and not just cough out what things are all about, but work on things a bit before you put them on the air.  The radio market is dwindling, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing left but morons out here.

J.

Related posts:

1. Hey Fresh & Easy, you’re not saving money by using real customers if the ad sucks
2. Chase lucks out with great impromptu hilarity in its radio spots! Zing!
3. Look at this effing watch from Richard Millie Watches! Look at it!

Just to be clear, I don’t like this crap and it’s ads like this turd of a radio spot from Chase that keeps me going… and going… and going.

Chase Radio Spot – Chase Picks Up The Tab

A couple of things here, Chase…

First, I know you guys are new to the California market. You’re probably still throwing out all the signs that say Washington Mutual or WaMu. Maybe you had to rush this particular ad out of the door to make a deadline. I’m not a mind reader. But we’re a pretty media savvy marketplace here in the big city. We hear more ads than just about any place on the map these days because we’re such a major population center.

So, when we hear someone drag out the old chestnut of the recording engineer fighting with the voiceover guy, we cringe like an abused child. This is the kind of crap that kids in college are using for assignments and you’re using it as some of your first advertisements to a new market. You’re going to get calls… and not nice ones.

Second, since you were nice enough to provide me with an example, let’s take a look at this concept of an ad. I know, I know, you didn’t create the concept, but you’re still using it, so it’s your turn in the barrel.

So, back in the time of Marconi, when the first ad man pitched this idea, I bet he thought he was clever as shit.

Hey boss, I was down talking to the dames in the typing pool and came out with a real zinger of a radio spot.

Lay it on me, Johnson!

So, for the new radio spot for Dr. Franklin’s Mystical Medical Powder (now with extra cocaine!), we write the script so it sounds like the recording engineer and the announcer are getting into a bit of a row on the air.

I’m not following you; usually we would edit that kind of nonsense out in post.

Right! However, we won’t this time because the announcer will actually look like the straight man to the dopey engineer’s shenanigans. It will sound completely natural!

Now I get it! Why, it would like we somehow left the mics running and captured comedy lighting in a bottle. Genius!

Thanks, chief!

Nice work, now go take a three hour drinking lunch and have sex with your secretary. Ha ha! She won’t mind, it’s not like they have the vote yet!

Ha ha! We’re so modern!

Or something like that, I wasn’t there. My point is, people aren’t idiots. I know you copywriters are stuck in tight little cubicles like so much veal, but writing is your job, take some fucking pride in it for cry-eye. Do some damn research into the history of advertising and realize that the crap you just wrote for Chase has been done so many times that even the casual ad listener can pick this crap out of a lineup. I’m pretty sure my niece could see this joke coming and she’s 3. Is that your target here? Three year olds? You sick bastards.

Oh, and by the way, your online banking site sucks ass. Put WaMu’s back up until you learn how to talk to humans. How you guys came out the winners in the bank fallout is beyond my comprehension.

J.

Related posts:

1. Apparently, Chase customers are effing crazy…
2. A tale of two teams: TV and radio spots for Taco Bell and Dr Pepper.
3. CarMax radio spots feature true tales of legal obscurity! Prepare to be amazed!