A friend of mine, who dated some pro athletes awhile back, was asked what she thought of all this back when it first started coming out. She replied, “well, I know professional athletes, so none of this is surprising.”

I think we were initially surprised that it was  Tiger pulling this shit because it was golf, and golf is boring as hell… and I play the damn game. I always thought Tiger a little boring, a little too perfect.  I like my golfers like John Daly used to be, drunk, drugged up, fat, and crazy as hell. What’s ironic is that this train wreck, who used to take out a fifth of Jack every day for awhile there, is chiming in with advice on how Tiger should save his marriage (link). Man, when John Daly is giving you marriage advice, you have officially hit rock bottom.

Dead Tree advertisers love themselves a big ole’ star to hook themselves onto; however, they also tend to run like scared little children when that hero’s true colors come out and they fuck up in a grand fashion, like our friend Tiger Woods truly has been lately. But man that took awhile… huh.  Maybe if Tiger got himself a drug habit or worse (gasp!) a homosexual lover, then they would have dropped him faster than Lindsey Lohan can drop a fifth of vodka.  Apparently a dozen or so extramarital trysts don’t really shake them up too much.  Hell, they guys that run these companies are probably calling to welcome him to the club.

I saw on Mashable yesterday that Accenture starting pulling him out of the picture (link).  I was walking through DFW earlier this week, and in the American terminal they have this big interactive, touch screen where you can get news, weather, and whatnot, all sponsored by Accenture.  I look up and see that Tiger had his own tab on the screen and touched it fully expecting a collection of news articles about all the craziness lately.  Instead, it’s a collection of puff pieces and videos about his humble beginnings and I was suddenly reminded that Accenture was yet someone else that was in bed with Tiger.

So here goes Gillette, Accenture 86’d him yesterday, AT&T realized it sponsored a golf tournament with the guy and freaked right the fuck out (link), and Gatorade made some wussy statement about their involvement with him changing… apparently they were already planning on phasing him out (link). Nothing personal Tiger, best of luck with the marriage thing.

Wait a minute, now I see what’s done it… that’s right, Tiger is getting out of golf for awhile (link).  “Tiger, we were cool with you fucking your way through every big busted blonde you can find, but you do have to keep playing golf to get our advertising dollar.”

Keep is classy, Dead Tree Media, keep it classy…

J.

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