I remember when these spots started showing up on the radio and TV and thinking, “look at the sack on this mofo!” Not just for the fact that he put his own social security number on the line, but because I already knew the service he was providing was a big load of crap.

If you didn’t know, putting security holds on your credit reports are something that you can do for free with all of the credit reporting services. It basically keeps people from looking at your scores unless you really, really want them to. Sure, you have to contact the three different companies yourself, but you can do it fairly quick these days. By the way, same goes with getting your credit report… totally free. I know you love the little jingles from FreeCreditReport.com, but they are really pushing something you can get for free anyway so that they can sell you a similar credit monitoring service. Hell, half of you just read that twice and will still go to either site when the need arrives… ya big pack of zombies.

Anyway, if you read the TechDirt article, you’ll see that not only did the company get popped for bogus claims in their advertising (which takes a lot, by the way), the CEO in the commercial actually got his identity stolen. That’s just a big sack of awesome right there.

If that wasn’t awesome enough for you, the idiot actually went to the house of guy who stole his identity to get a confession out of him. Now that’s a service I would pay for! Hell, if I knew that someone from LifeLock was personally going to go to the home of a guy who snagged a loan using my social security and smacked him around a little, you could name your price for the service and I would pay it with a big goofy grin on my face.

But only if it included a video of the ass kicking… I’m not paying good money for a stern talking to here…

J.

Related posts:

1. Time Warner Cable, bad service, bad commercials
2. FloTV commercials, all about the child abuse
3. Happy New Year, Progressive, it is officially time to wrap up the Flo commercials

For instance, according to the New York Post this morning, known real world fuck up, Lindsey Lohan and her bottom feeding lawyer have decided that they want to sue the online trading company E-TRADE for the use of the name “Lindsey” in their latest talking baby commercial.

The spot, which was used for the Super Bowl this year, features a player baby explaining to his girlfriend baby why he didn’t call last night (because he was trading online, which is totally believable, by the way). The girlfriend baby then asks him if that “milkaholic, Lindsey was there,” and the milkaholic in question leans into frame and says, “milka-what?”

The commercial is funny as hell; actually, most of the spots in this campaign are funny as hell (I’m kind of partial to the golfing one, myself).  However, Lindsey and her lawyer seem to think that the agency that produced it is picking on the fair Lohan and are going to try and take them to court.

Apparently, Lindsey forgot to check around that there are other kids named Lindsey in the world, like for instance, the one at the agency where the ad was made that was the true-life inspiration for the ad.  Check that, they used her name, I have no idea if this chick is really a milkaholic or not, so don’t jump to any conclusions there.

You know, a few years back someone came out with a movie that used my name, Jeffrey, as a title.  I was really excited about that until I found out it was a “coming of gay” comedy featuring one of the guys from the old “Wings” TV series from the 80s.  With my dashing good looks, I have a hard enough time convincing people I’m not gay, so having a movie about a gay guy with my name probably wasn’t going to help.  But did the idea of suing the makers of the movie ever cross my mind?  No, of course not, because I’m not fucking crazy.

I don’t follow the celeb rags too much these days, but from what I hear, Lindsey is a real mess.  Unlike most people, I actually kind of find this a little sad because I thought she had some real promise as an actress when she was younger.  Apparently, she doesn’t really have a dime to her name, which makes me wonder where she’s getting the cash for a lawyer to pull this shit.

You have to also wonder what it was like at the E-TRADE offices this morning.  Honestly, I hope they had a good laugh over all of this knowing that it will mean nothing but good things for them.  Hopefully they are not too uptight about it all, thinking it’s going to “damage the brand” or any of that bullshit.  Even if E*Trade loses, all the exposure they get from this is worth way more than a $100 million media buy, which is what Lohan is asking for in the lawsuit.

The whole thing will probably get thrown out of court and Lohan will have to resort to dating her lawyer in public for a few months to cover his fees for this circus. The only brand that will get damaged here is Lindsey Lohan’s, and she was pretty rock bottom to start with, so maybe it will be the thing that really snaps her out of this nutty phase of hers before they find her at the bottom of a lake after her pimp snuffs her out for stealing his blow.

Sweet tap dancing christ that was dark ending to this post… go back up and look at the babies again and you’ll be crapping rainbows in no time.

J.

Related posts:

1. [VIDEO] Lindsay Lohan got paid how much to do what with a beezid?
2. Great review of “real” ad campaigns by Ad Age, crappy headline