Dead Tree Media - Traditional Advertising Reviewed by an Internet Marketer » outdoor

Even Grimace thought this was a dumb St. Pat’s promo from McDonalds

Jeff Ferguson — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:20:30 +0000

I don’t know what I feel worse about today… having to see this goofy St. Patrick’s Day promotion from McDonalds, or having to look up how to spell “Grimace” for the post title.

Oh wait, it was the first one:

This is apparently a “stellar outdoor idea for McDonald’s from Leo Burnett Chicago.” You know how I know that? Because the Leo Burnett agency said it was a stellar outdoor idea for McDonalds, mother effers…

I’m not the first to say this (hell, someone said it on the Leo Burnett site already), but this stellar outdoor idea just looks like an anti-littering campaign and not something that would make me want to actually run out and get a mint shake (yes, that’s what’s in a Shamrock Shake, you bunch of ‘tards).

Remember that guys? That would have been the goal of doing this big, expensive piece of trash along the Chicago River, which is usually full of trash on it’s best days – to sell more friggin’ shakes! Not to look cool, or win awards, or post how clever you are on your blog, but to move shakes out the door.

Who the hell approves this crap? I mean, are things that big at Micky D’s these days that you could sneak an expense like this past everybody without someone raising a hand and saying, “hey, I don’t think that’s going to do what you think it’s going to do…”?

Next time you hear about a round of layoffs at McDonalds corporate or Leo Burnett, remember you saw wasteful crap like this on National Drinking Day.

Cottonelle spends a butt load (HA!) on a really dumb question

Jeff Ferguson — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 17:15:05 +0000

Not everybody that reads this blog is in the advertising business, so I want to start out with something that might blow your mind. Really big companies, like Kimberly-Clark, who owns Cottonelle, spend a completely mind blowing amount of money on advertising… every, frickin’, year.

Seriously, you think you might have an idea of what their ad budget is, but if you took that number in your head and multiplied it times 10 or 20, you would probably still come up a little short. Put it this way, if you had the amount of money they spend on their campaigns for just one year and you lost 90% of it in a bet to see who could down a whole shaker of salt like my buddy Sean did back in high school, you would still never have to work another day in your life to get by quite nicely.

That. Fucking. Much.

So, when I see really big damn ads like this one that you can find outside of L.A. Live in Los Angeles, I just have to wonder if K-C is just spending money to spend money or if the return on investment is just that damn good.

How do you roll?

First, let me apologize for that horrible photo. I took it with my phone as I was stumbling out of a Clipper game the other night. You may ask why I didn’t have my good camera with me, but what you should really be asking yourself is, who the hell goes to Clipper games?

Anyway, if you can’t tell, that ad is on the side of three very large buildings and is part of a massive campaign Cottonelle has going right now for that they call “The Great Debate. The Cottonelle Roll Poll.” You can’t see the text on the middle building at all, but it honestly says, “Tell us how you roll.”

Holy crap, where to start…

First, the answer is “over”… always, always, always. I know they have a bunch of people on the site that claim they go under, but they’re being paid to do so. Plus, the poll on the site may have about 22% of the voters saying they go under, but they’re just idiots who probably don’t use toilet paper anyway. Trust me, my dad owned a maid service when I was a kid and I worked for a hotel for three years… it always goes over.

Second, did they blow their whole fucking budget on getting that ad on the side of the building? Because they certainly didn’t spend it on a quality graphic designer. What are those pictures, PowerPoint clip art? I’ve seen instructions for Ikea furniture with better graphics.

Third, just because you CAN use mobile in your advertising, doesn’t mean you need to use mobile in your advertising. This kind of crap reminds me of the early days of the net when CEOs would scream down hallways to make sure we put the URL in the print ads so they could jack up their stock price by looking internet savvy. Mobile and social media are the new URLs of the dead tree media world and while sometimes they hit their mark, most of the time they just look like the resident advisor at a dorm party… awkward and out of place.

My good friend, Cindy Krum of Rank Mobile, who is perhaps one of the best mobile marketing experts around, would probably think this ad was great because it incorporates a mobile marketing strategy. But then I would reminder her that the ad sucked ass, then she would tell me to stop being such a dick, and I would smile and agree because she’s a ginger and they have a strange power over me.

Anyway, now that you realize just how sucky that ad is to start with, you should be even more pissed off at how much it cost to put it all together. They had to rent the space, create the ad (it’s either painted on or it’s three really large pieces of printed plastic), hire a crew to put it up, and work with a company to manage the mobile campaign attached to the ad. That’s a lot of damn money to advertise a product that is used to wipe your ass.

Honestly, if Cottonelle just put out a small ad in the local newspaper that read, “Hey, instead of spending an ass load of money on a really big damn ad on the side of a building, we’re going to put all the kids that graduate from high school in East LA through college. Now, please use our product.” I would promise my ass would see nothing but Cottonelle for the rest of my life.

“I’ve never voted Tory before” ads in UK are ripe for abuse, fun (leftover from #SES London)

Jeff Ferguson — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 02:21:56 +0000

I’m about four days back from my trip to London to speak at the SES conference and I swear I’m still a little screwed up. With that town I’m never sure if it’s jet lag or a hangover…

Anyway, while I was in old London town, I remember seeing these ads on my way to and from the airport, but I didn’t have a chance to get any pictures of them. Luckily enough, they have taken on a life of their own here on the net, so I don’t really need to bother.

Here’s the original ad in all its schmaltzy glory…

I guess these ads aren’t all that bad from a design front, but there’s just something weird about the message. I guess that’s why they are seeing responses like this around town (warning, there’s a big old C-word a comin’ round the bend!):

"I never voted Tory before, because I'm not a cunt."

A few years back, I actually dated and lived with a woman who was raised a Republican and never really bothered to question what it was all about when she grew up. This was back when Little George W was running for office.

We used to have these funny conversations about why she was voting for him that would always end with her saying that maybe we shouldn’t discuss politics. My problem was always that, when I asked her why she was voting for him, she would say things like, “well, he’s really for education…” My response was always, “…and Gore is against education?”, while scrunching up my face and looking at her like she was a crazy person.

I think that’s my problem with these ads. By stating things like, “I like their plans to help families,” it makes it sound like the opposing parties (there are a crap load there, but let’s say “Labor” just to pick one) sound like they are somehow anti-family or anti-family program or that they have no plans for families… you get my point. But then, that’s exactly what they want, don’t they?

Look, vote however you want, but have a good argument ready for when people ask about it or you just look like you’re towing the party line. Trust me, it’s OK to say you just don’t like the guy and his politics, but don’t sound like you’re reading from a cheat sheet from your party.

I remember when Obama was running for office and John Oliver of The Daily Show was out interviewing people at a McCain rally. He asked one women why she wasn’t voting for Obama and she said, “Well, I’m concerned about the whole Muslim thing.” Oliver responded, in his very British way, “So apart from the fact that he isn’t, what is it then?”

Pizza Hut UK reminds me that things are just different here (Live from #SES London)

Jeff Ferguson — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 16:15:50 +0000

After my thrilling discussion on Google map listings in Universal Search as part of the Digital Asset Management panel here at SES London, I was kind of wired from all the applause, love, and admiration I received from the capacity crowd here at the British Design Center in lovely Islington, so I took a walk around to blow off some steam and figure out a way to come up with a really long run on sentence for the beginning of this article…

Anyway, while on the walk, I took some shots of some local ads for the site. As you know, the point of this site is really to make fun of bad advertising, but damn it if I didn’t see any really bad ads around town.

For instance, here’s a great little transit ad for Pizza Hut:

The ad is part of a series of ads that are basically saying you don’t need a real excuse to order Pizza Hut, so things like the kids getting up on time or finding a seat on the bus will do. Not an earth shattering campaign, but for outdoor, it’s not bad.

What I find funny about this ad is the glass of wine with the meal. My friend Cindy saw that later when I pointed it out to her and she said, “who drinks wine with pizza, ew!” Well, I guess you could, it is technically Italian food, but in the US we’re practically programmed to either eat it with beer or a soda, so I guess she’s not totally crazy.

However, my point is that in the US, if people saw a glass of wine with Pizza Hut on any ad, they would promptly freak the fuck out. I can hear them crying now, “but… kids might see that wine!”, which of course means that Pizza Hut is corrupting American children, there are threats of a boycott, and boom, you’re back a picture of a Pepsi or whatever.

Frankly, I’m just amazed these brands do so well over here. As I’ve said, despite what you may hear, the food over here is quite good, so you just want to shake people and say, “we’re sending you the cheap shit, go back to the kabab place!”

Anyway, this last photo isn’t really advertising, it’s a product, which given the origin of the character, you would think would be really popular in the US, but I’ve never seen these on the shelves before and I would have because, man, I love me a doughnut…

If you can’t read it, they’re “D’oh! Nuts”…

PS – If you’re reading this at the show, come by the panel I’m moderating at 415 on “Search is the Display OS” and say hello.

The Bush billboard and Happy Presidents Day, from a place that doesn’t celebrate the holiday #SES #OMS

Jeff Ferguson — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:15:16 +0000

I’m in London all week speaking on panels for both the Online Marketing Summit (OMS) and Search Engine Strategies (SES) conferences. While I’m always happy about the opportunity to go to London in the name of America’s superior online marketing skills (kidding, put down the cricket bat), I not only have to miss Valentine’s Day, but had to work on what is a holiday back in the States.

You may say, “Whaa, I’m in London but don’t get a holiday!”, but I say… well you know what, you’re probably right… it’s actually not a bad deal at all… I’ll shut up about it now and just show you this sorry excuse for a billboard in Minnesota.

There has actually been a lot of conjecture about who actually put this goofy thing up in the first place. Most people are jumping to the conclusion that it’s obviously someone or a group on the Right, but given the less than flattering photo of “W” they used, I’m starting to wonder.

I’m not going to get into it too much on this, but the best response “Miss Me Yet?” I’ve heard so far was, “that would be like missing cancer because you caught a cold…”

UltraTouch’s mobile outdoor is all about the classics, and warm buns

Jeff Ferguson — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:30:41 +0000

First, you should all bow down to me for risking my neck and my stellar (COUGH!) driving record to snap this picture of an UltraTouch Heated Toilet Seats delivery truck. Second, I’d like to thank UltraTouch for throwing me a softball of a posting by creating this moving insult to o’ so many things.

There are plenty of times when I see really bad advertising around town or on TV and ask, why do we even need ad agencies? For instance, there were four really great, brand-centric Super Bowl ads that were created as part of a contest that put a lot of the agency generated shit to shame.

Then I see stuff like this truck for UltraTouch Heated Toilet Seats running around my city and I’m reminded why we still need their presence in the world.

Ads created by internal teams can be hard to spot sometimes. But the quality of the internal ad is usually directly proportionate to the goofiness of the product that is being sold, like, say for instance, a heated toilet seat.

There has to be someone at least somewhat educated in that company to pull using Rodin’s The Thinker out of their heated ass. But I can’t imagine where that education came from if they decided it was cool to throw some pants around the ankles of what is supposed to be a representation of Dante contemplating souls cast into hell (what? too much? should I just go back to saying “fuck” a lot?).

You just have to love the call to action here, “Honk if you like warm buns!” This truck was running around during rush hour in Los Angeles… trust me, we don’t need any more honking.

I don’t usually get into messing with the product because, let’s face it, most bad ads do enough damage. But I have to ask here, who thought it was a good idea to have something that plugs into ELECTRICITY sitting atop a large bowl of water? There isn’t a government stamp in the world that would prove to me that this thing is safe for my frozen ass.

Wonder how many calls the “HIV Prevention Mobsters” got after the Super Bowl…

Jeff Ferguson — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 22:36:38 +0000

I’m really hoping you can see all the detail on this fabulous piece of outdoor that is, from the area code, found somewhere in or around New Orleans.

I’m already starting to see new memes/games pop up around the net that let you pick your own VD Gangsta name by simply picking the first bit of trouble you ever had and then adding in the name of your first pet… which really doesn’t get you the same titles as these folks, but it’s a start.

Wow, shit like this just writes itself, doesn’t it?

Via someone on imgur.

Almost absolutely NOT the 15 Worst Movie Taglines Ever Written

Jeff Ferguson — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 02:40:02 +0000

I’m so friggin’ busy today that all I’m doing it re-posting other people’s shit… why, I just feel so legitimately like a real blogger now! Whoo!

Anyway, this list of The 15 Worst Movie Taglines Ever Written is one of those “top” or “best” or “worst” lists where I just have to call bullshit from the get go. Most of the time, the lists are really there to spur a discussion, like a magazine does the best albums of all time, or best movies of all time, or whatever. People are bound to disagree and talk about it on the radio or whatever and the site or magazine gets a lot of action from the effort. Good for them, job well done.

Then you’ve got this list where, I think the guy just gave up after the first couple of “worsts” he found and just started listing shit that was outside of his window.

For instance, The Day of The Dolphin, which is this absolutely tragedy of a movie that actually starred George C. Scott (he was in Patton… go ask your dad) led with, “Unwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United States.” I’m sorry, but that’s just gold! What else were they supposed to say about this turd?

So, maybe that one’s just so epic bad that it’s good, but some of these are actually just good. For instance, they give some shit to the sequel to “Crank”, which was just called “Crank: High Voltage”, for using the line, “He was dead… but he got better.” That’s actually not bad, it’s totally accurate… the main character died at the end of the first one, then they brought him back in the second. Anybody who saw the first knows he died at the end, and the folks at the ad company knew they had to explain what he was doing walking around pretty early, so there you go.

Anyway, you’ll see my point… it’s just a dumbass, lazy list and I hate myself a little for even linking to the shit, but what can I say, I’m a whore for to the CPM.

Nicely played, BMW of Bridgeport. Nicely played.

Jeff Ferguson — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:30:57 +0000

The fine folks over at BMW of Bridgeport, Conn released another in a series of billboards that features a mannequin, and this time a teddy bear, sitting on top of the sign.

I guess this is causing a bit of stir over there on the 95 because the police have been receiving 911 calls that are reporting a jumper. Then again, people are fucking stupid.

Did I mention that this was one of a series… that means there were a couple of them before, all with the mannequin. Idiots.

No related posts.

Revenge is a dish best served with Dead Tree Media

Jeff Ferguson — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 22:25:53 +0000

A friend of mine sent me this article in the Daily Mail about YaVaughnie Wilkins, the chick that was banging Charles E. Phillips, who is a businessman and an adviser to Barack Obama, who got her revenge with some strategically placed billboards around New York City (below).

His attitude was that all men should be outraged by this transgression and the company that owns the billboards should take them down immediately because it violates his privacy, blah blah blah.

All I see here is a reminder of one very important lesson I’ve learned over the years – never be surprised at what a chick does when you break her heart. I’m going to sound like a sexist pig here, but I’ve got through way too many break ups to say otherwise.

It can go either way, too. I’ve had chicks just back out quietly like you told them you were out of ice cream and others that throw everything in the refrigerator at you like you just told them you’d been carrying on with her deaf/mute sister. There’s really no way to tell going in which way they will go.

Sure, putting up billboards is a little extreme… and at $150,000, expensive as hell, but I’m just more impressed than mad, here. I give her points for creativity and just be glad her crazy didn’t go in the direction of genital mutilation.